I've always been one to look on the bright side of things. The type of person to see the glass as half full rather then half empty. But sometimes life just takes the cake. Everything's seemingly going well then all of a sudden it throws it back in your face. But as always, I'm not one to sit and complain...after all, I have to say that I have a good life. I have everything I need, I'm not suffering from a debilitating illness, and I've got people around me who love me. But sometimes I feel discouraged. Everyone does sometimes. It's normal, you see...it's all about how you choose to react to this feeling. Let it consume you, or shake it off and find a new perspective on a situation that frankly seems kind of shit.
Unfortunately sometimes in life you fight and fight for something, trying to make it work, but it turns out to be an uphill battle with no end. Then you realise, maybe it wasn't right after all? Perhaps life is trying to tell me that I have to go another way instead. I can be stubborn so I like to continue on, try and get my way...but we all know that doesn't mean it's going to always work to your advantage.
So...if you're feeling discouraged, I know how you feel. I'm feeling it right now, but I know that sometimes you have to be strong in life. This may seem like the end of the world right now, but one day you'll look back and think, it was just part of life. It taught me something...it was meant to happen. I prefer to see things that way. Everything is a learning lesson after all. I guess for now I may suffer a little, but in the end I'll know why this happened. Right now my mind is just clouded with emotion.
I have so much to be grateful for after all. But sometimes you just love something so strongly that it's hard to let go. I guess sometimes you just need to let go.
The new year is just around the corner, and I'm going to see it as a chance for a fresh start. I'm going to approach it with a smile on my face. My life has always been an emotional roller coaster and I'm not going to let it put me down now. For now I'll just smile.
Reading what I wrote on that day...really touches me. The end of last year was really sad for me. It was the end to a period in my life which taught so much about love, compromise, trust and honesty. In many ways, I never expected my relationship with Sebastian to crumble. I feel like I didn't see it coming, but deep down, I must have. I just didn't want to accept it, I tried to block it out...so when it finally happened, when I had to face reality, I felt crushed.
I don't usually like to share things like this...things to do with my love life. But I know that it's something that many of us have been through, so I just wanted to let you know...that you're not alone. It's easy to want to curl up into a little ball and block the world out. But I made the conscious decision not to do that. I'm going to make the best of everything, and keep working hard for the things I love, I know that this way I'll keep my heart and mind preoccupied.
I know the journey won't be easy, but one day I'll look back at this and realise it wasn't that bad after all. I still have so much to look forward to...